A:There is no question that sex can be a particularly ticklish issue, at least for some. However, because of this ticklish quality some completely stay away from talking specifically about expressing their sexual wants, needs, and desires, and their sexual expectations. This tendency to avoid is why sex MUST be a topic of conversation in any healthy relationship. Unspoken expectations and assumptions about sex are probably the most common in a relationship and thus must be explored and revealed. The book helps couples, even ones who are very uncomfortable with sexual issues, have the Sex conversation in a guided and respectful way, using language and terminology that both people can be comfortable with. And the really good news is that the more you talk about something, even sex, the better and more comfortable you become at both talking about and enjoying it!

A:The 10 Conversations provides a model for a lifetime of effective communication and relationship health. Although my primary motivation was to write a book to assist couples who were about to take the plunge, any couple, at any point in their relationship will find material in The 10 Conversations that is relevant to their relationship.

For example, the last of the fifteen communication rules, "Have a How we Do'in conversation every three or four months" sets couples up for a life time of finding opportunities to ensure that "lingering resentments" (described more fully in the book) never become a threatening part of their relationship. The 10 conversation topics can be used to structure these regular conversations to ensure that all important issues are covered and nothing significant (or threatening) ever gets left out.

A:While every couple is unique, generally The 10 Conversations ought to start happening when it is clear that a relationship has moved beyond casual dating. For some this will be within months of getting together, for others weeks, and for other still, years. As is described in the book, a focus on feelings is the best indicator for when more in depth discussions of wants, needs, likes and dislikes ought to start to take place: when youíre feeling this like this might be someone you want to spend many years of your life with, itís time to start really talking (and potentially learning how to talk).

A:First off, The Ten Conversations are actually a lot of fun to have. I try to make even the boring conversations (i.e., Division of Labour (that is chores)) something a couple can have a few laughs with.

We also need to recognize that healthy relationships are work and there is no way of getting around this. However, using tools like The 10 Conversations means that you increase the chances that you work smart rather than hard. When it’s time to wash the floor, you could do a great job with a toothbrush, but it’s going to take you an awfully long time and quite likely you will get discouraged in the process. Perhaps better would be to find a tool to allow you to get through the work as quickly as possible, without wasted or needless effort, so you can enjoy the fruits of your labour that much more quickly. The 10 Conversations is intended as just such a tool so that couples can efficiently and with confidence do the work of developing and growing their relationship as quickly as possible.